I figure a blog will be the best way to keep track of my thoughts. Whether anyone would like to join me on this adventure, it doesn't matter. One day I hope to look back on a post and think, "Hell yeah! I totally forgot about that subject matter, let me further pursue it." And from there I will start a revolution.
My first topic, that I feel as though many people should be aware of: douchebags.
This is important. It is becoming an epidemic where humans must save themselves and lock all doors.
One concept I hope to publish someday: The different classes of douchebags. This is relevant, believe me.
Class one:
Your every day douchebag (DB).
This class usually consists of boyfriends, brothers, friends, uncles, etc. It's a class that we must accept and one that is growing in numbers.
Things/actions that are acceptable under this class: elongating the pronunciation of "o"s so as to sound similar to an "ah" sound. Playing an unreasonable amount of video games. Listening to bad music. Listening to Taylor Swift. Wearing too much white on more than one occasion. Taking facebook too seriously. Wanting to party and drink every day of the week. More than one fashion violation in a week.
Take note that this is the only class where things are "acceptable." Otherwise, things are NOT acceptable and should be taken seriously. Very seriously.
In conclusion, a C1 DB is an offense, but not a serious offense. C1s must be shown love and must be guided in a different direction.
Class two:
A DB in denial.
Common side effects include: making others nauseous, wearing too much cologne, and pretending not to look at themselves in every mirror or reflection they come across. C2 is a vague place. A sort of DB-limbo where many DBs go before hitting the C3 hard, or before realizing their life is too important to be lost to bad music and hair gel.
Class three:
DOUCHE. BAG. MAJOR.
Unfortunately, many DBs that get to this stage reach points of no return.
If a male has questionable behavior, ask yourself these simple questions:
1. Can you smell him from where you're sitting/standing/running, etc., wherever that may be?
2. Would you be embarrassed to be his girlfriend/boyfriend? (Hey. It's possible.)
3. Are they trying too hard to impress everyone/anyone within ear shot?
If you answered "yes" to any or all of the aforementioned questions, you're probably dealing with a C3.
Take off running.
If this isn't possible, analyze him and take mental notes, so as to tell your friends of the big sighting you saw earlier in the day.
Example of "not okay"-ness:
Many common giveaways also include: button-up shirts with any sort of chain. A popped collar. (Keep in mind that button-up shirts and collar-ed shirts are okay, it is a matter of how you wear it!) Socks with sandals. T-shirts (or v-necks especially) with too much going on (see below). Pursed lips (on a straight man). Flexing too much, or standing in awkward positions so as to make themselves appear stronger/more muscular (this never works). One permanently raised eyebrow (only one). --See below, DB on the left.
These are the three classes of douchebags. It's important to educate oneself on the classes of douchebags, so as to run/make fun of/point whenever one is found.
Please. Save yourselves and others. If you or a loved one is suffering from douchery, contact that person immediately and slap the hell out of them. If the douche is you, shame on you.
